I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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