if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
