In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
