Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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