Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
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