Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
