in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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