omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
