I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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