i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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