just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
