I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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