Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
