I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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