i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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