On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
