I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
