I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
