So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
