dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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