Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
