So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
