I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
