I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
