She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
