so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize