i think my mom watched the whole time
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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