drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
