Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
there's paper in my vomit.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you traded sex for a burrito?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
