She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
