And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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