i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
