we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
