So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
