I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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