u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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