butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Two words: nipple clamps
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