I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
