and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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