I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
