Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
