i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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