Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
