I hate your face
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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