i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
