Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
