tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
