I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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