I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
