No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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