oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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