WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I have post one night stand depression
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
