Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
