One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm bleeding and have questions
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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