well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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