He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
its liver damage thursday
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
