I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
