you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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