he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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