Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
