I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
