I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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