idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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