I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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