This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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